Children and Bedtime
by Wyolake
Summary: Exhausted after the latest mission, Shepard is ready to relax. Unfortunately her crew isn't ready for bedtime. Quick one-shot, ME2. Rated T for language, just in case.


**Children and Bedtime**

Shepard hauled herself wearily into her cabin. She couldn't remember being so tired or feeling so incredibly…dirty after a mission.

It was nice to have Tali back on board, but the Quarian's enthusiastic nature had sucked the last of Shepard's energy. The tension between Miranda and Tali hadn't helped and then Jacob just had to mention EDI. Thankfully Tali let it go. At least for the moment. Shepard knew Tali would question her in length later.

But right now she was back in her enormous quarters and could look forward to a long, very hot shower and then bed. With a long sigh, Shepard sat down on the stairs and unlaced her boots. Her fingers felt stiff and unresponsive and it took longer than it should have. Finally she had both boots and socks off and wiggled her freed toes against the cool metal floor.

Shepard heaved herself to her feet and moved down next to the bed. She pulled the under amour shirt over her head and was starting to pull the tank up just as her comm buzzed. Shepard didn't even try to hide her irritation. "What?" she growled to the empty room.

"Uh, Shepard," Joker's voice came through rather hesitantly. "Sorry to bother you, but you're needed in the mess, like…now."

"Have Miranda handle it," Shepard snapped. "She likes to think she's the XO, so she can do the job."

"Eh, yeah. Um…Miranda already tried," Joker broke off with a squawk and Shepard thought she heard something crash in the background. "And she failed," Joker said breathlessly. "Seriously, Shepard, get down here!"

"FUCK!" Shepard yelled as the comm switched off. What the hell was going on that she was needed so desperately? Whatever it was she decided she didn't have time, or the desire, to put her boots back on.

Shepard raced out of the elevator and around the corner only to be brought up short by a body hurtling through the air. The crewman landed with a thud and a whoosh as the air was knocked out of him. "What the…?" Shepard muttered and looked at Thane who was leaning against the mess divider. He appeared at ease and not the least upset by whatever was going on.

Thane gave her a glance and shrugged a shoulder just slightly. The roar of a Krogan got Shepard moving again.

Once around the divider Shepard saw Grunt suspended in the air by a smiling Jack. Garrus was crouched down by the stairs with a laser pointer attached to what looked like a toy gun. Miranda, looking disheveled, was sitting on the stairs with a scowl. Joker was peeking from behind the kitchen counters. Zaeed rolled out from the other side of the mess divider and shot – something – toward Garrus, but it bounced off one of the tanks noiselessly.

Striding forward, her temper in full control, Shepard shouted, "That's ENOUGH! What the hell is going on?"

Everyone froze for a moment and looked at her with shock. Slowly they all stood and moved toward the middle of the mess. Jack released Grunt, none too gently.

Shepard speared each of them with a furious glare and tapped a foot impatiently as she crossed her arms. "I got called down here because you all were acting like children!?" she fumed.

Jack huffed and put a hand quickly over her mouth to stop a full laugh from escaping. Miranda's mouth quirked ever so slightly at one side. Joker was wide-eyed and grinning like an idiot. Grunt and Garrus looked confused. The other crewmen slid to the windows of the med-bay and tried to be inconspicuous.

"Uh…" Garrus fumbled and his mandibles twitched.

"Well? Is there an emergency or is this why I was disturbed?" Shepard continued to glare.

Miranda sauntered over toward her quarters. "Jack started it," she said lazily.

"Bitch!" Jack shouted at the woman's retreating back.

"Zip it, Jack," Shepard snapped and Jack leaned against the table with a scowl.

"Shepard," Garrus said hesitantly, "what's on your feet?"

"Slippers," Shepard said tersely.

"They don't look very sturdy," Grunt added in a confused tone. Joker turned and leaned over the counter, his shoulders shaking with silent laughter.

"They're not meant to be sturdy, they're for comfort," Shepard growled and glared at him. The Krogan cocked his head, but didn't say anything else.

"Slip-pers," Garrus tried the word out quietly, but snapped his mandibles shut when Shepard's angry gaze flew to him.

"All of you settle down and get some sleep! If I'm disturbed again I will have each of you out licking the Normandy's hull clean. _Before_ we dock!" Shepard snapped and strode out of the mess leaving them all in stunned silence behind her.

"Shit," Zaeed breathed. "No woman has a right to be that guddamn scary while wearing fucking purple fuzzy slippers!"

* * *

A/N: Just a quick humorous interlude that came about when my husband made fun of my new slippers. Enjoy!


End file.
